You're halfway there!!!

That is what the subject of the email from one of the pregnancy newsletters I had subscribed to before our miscarriage said when I opened it up.

"20 weeks! Congratulations...You're at the halfway mark!!"

Each week I open these updates and think...I've gotta get off this mailing list. What's gonna happen  when it starts reminding me to pack my bag?

But then I look at that line again and review the last 20 weeks. I have made major transitions, I've gone back to work, I've decided to donate quite a lot of my time as an organizer to help others through charity and pushed by speaking more and more.

I also know I am letting other things completely slide. I gotta get a "working girl" system going on this house, I need to let others know I no longer can participate instead of dragging on like I can keep that plate on it's stick.

Certain things fall below the line...and all it would take is a simple confession of..."take me off the mailing list"

While I know I am working more, I am also renewed at the opportunity for tackling something new and more challenging. I know I have to watch it...not less my stress overrun my life. Not feed my anxiety addiction and people pleasing defenses to run my body and mind in the ground.

In our lesson plans at the farm, we have a measurable device for setting our rider's objectives. I kinda look at my experience with the pregnancy newsletter as a measurable device. I see how far I've come in 20 weeks. I am still broken inside, the wound is still healing and I know it's gonna leave a scar...scar's are humbling though. They keep you honest.

My favorite line in Ya Ya Sisters is when the oxygen sucking Ya Ya tells Sidda "Old wounds heal pal" with a quaint smurk.

I see those subject lines each week and I keep thinking...you're okay still. Life goes on.

As I get ready to turn 37 I notice more of the big ideas I have lately seem to carry the undertone of midlife crisis. I've been thinking about bringing my little 1970 convertible Fiat Spider home to rebuild just for putting around town to the barn and carpool. Look...I though I was cute 20 years ago in it. I'd be a mess in it today!!

Its taken me 20 years to learn how to be an adult. Now that I am one I want to take full advantage of it!!Cue Mary J. Blige "No more drama in my life..." I'm so good where I am right now but if I've learned anything you gotta be ready to keep it moving.

In many ways i am halfway there...but I know still have so much to experience and learn. After all, I'm a Thursday's child, we have far to go don't we??!!