Victory and Privacy

My husband and I have been at odds lately over my content. My recent blog when I asked my husband his first thoughts he said, "It's good but not your best". I sensed a little frustration and after he preceded to break down two beds and swap their rooms I discovered why. I know I'm hard to live with, I fully expect that so urge him to express himself but this....let's just say I wasn't prepared. But I thought about it, I was gonna figure it out on my own.

Having been a blogger for the past 4 years with http://www.onlineorganizing.com/ I had always focused every piece on organization. As a new "stay -at- home/work-from-home" mompreneur I was sharing what I was learning. I shared all my time savings tricks and tips from my kickin it old school 50's housewife mother Betty. And a few tried and true practices by Grandmother Lula herself. Not only did I want to be a great advice giver of efficiency I also desired to balance burning my candles at both ends. Why could'nt I do it all!?!

In June of this year, for the very first time, I shared personal pieces over the breast biopsy they had attempted two times and the surgery that followed. That was a life changing experience for me. My husband was fine about the full disclosure and felt it therapeutic for me to do so. We have moved to a small town and my writing has become very mainstreet. How much do we share about our own lives. As it turned out I decided to share everything about that experience because I felt if it had been cancer I would want to document this all for some future reference. Okay, no cancer, praise Jesus,  life goes on to normal. But I put a lot of stuff out there...and it felt freeing and warm. I released it. Like pieces of paper burned and tossed in the sea. Think there was a movie I watched in International Film Study at AUM that had that very scene. Marlon Brando and something about Tea.
Anyway, writing my thoughts allowed me to quickly process, decide a plan of action about how I'm going to deal with that feeling and then poof! Let it go.
So now we've moved on to talking about wanting a new baby. Now my husband isn't sure he wants me to put that out there. I must love and respect his wishes and I understand there should be some sense of privacy. My first reaction says okay no more baby talk "on-air" until there is one. But now I've been diagnosed with MRSA staph and well that's gonna change some things in my life, like... I'm thinking of going vegan. This blog is about making sense of my life and my business (aren't they really the same thing?).
I have to mention I'm also sensitive because I watched Zenyatta lose a 19 time winning streak and get beat by a nostril and a boy in the Breeder's Cup. No matter what she still goes down as the fastest filly of all time! Lots of expectations to perform placed on that horse. Never in history had their been a crowd of over 100,000 cheering fans and flashbulbs. Doesn't make her any less of a winner that she lost, she has talent.
So, while riding this big palomino today that has a kind heart and an old soul...we walked, and I thought, and here's what I got....

                     I'm gonna talk about wanting a baby; because I want one

                     I'm gonna talk about living with MRSA; because I live with MRSA

I'm gonna talk about being more organized; because I want to be

I'm gonna share my life; so I can testify to the glory of God

But I will only speak VICTORY over any of it!!!!

Actually, I can't take the credit for that last one...that was my husband's request after speaking to him about it. He hasn't minded the open window to our life just praise it and speak triumph over whatever the case may be. And I intend to honor it!!



Don't forget to Fall Back!

As we wake this morning to sunshine instead of darkness I feel anticipation like never before. I have been absent a little lately from writing because I have not had a direction that felt right. I have written a few blogs, some were a little angry because I was at the time, some too personal, some made no sense at all. So I have tossed the last three and am turning the page. One thing about living in a small town, you run into your blog readers at Wal-mart or carpool quite often.You know the people in your community. You go to church with them.  It has been a little difficult lately to write freely. To see so many contradictions in my surroundings, to witness behaviors that I would love to talk about in my blog but would reveal some one's story if I did. This blog is published in several different places weekly. Being able to talk to anonymous folks in the blogosphere is therapeutic but quite another story to put your business or your friend's on main street in Smallville, USA. I miss my anonymity.
 I say all that to encourage myself to publish this blog which is going to be extremely personal to me. To take the risk and put my life out there as testimony.

I live with staph,  I contracted it from a clients home many years ago and have battled it ever since. I wrote a 2 page blog a few weeks ago with the intention of getting that off my chest then. I manage my outbreaks, I try and take all the proper precautions to lower my exposure. I hate having it and would really just love to hold up in my house until it's gone but can't do that. After the surgery in June I had several infections and it took over a month to get past. Then after starting work back around the barn I had one come up on my thigh the end of August. It has left a scar. When an active infection hits I take care of it properly and get back on meds but they can sometimes make you feel weak and you tend to end up in the bed anyway. My energy gets zapped and I get all achy. Kinda like having the flu. Then there is the pain of the infection itself. Not to mention how it makes me feel around other people. I worry about how they will treat me, after all it's gross to me too.
This past Friday I had a small cyst I had developed a few years ago removed from my scalp and as precaution we decided on a round of antibiotics to keep me going strong. In this discussion of what to prescribe this time I found out the last culture from the wound on my thigh had come back MRSA. Hmmmm...first time I've ever been told that...always thought it was regular staph. Maybe it had been until just recently.
We want a baby, soon....MRSA always says "deadly" when you google it...and words like infant abnormalities...cesarean...all these words are popping up when I search "MRSA in pregnancy". But then other articles talk about all the advances in the medicines to treat it while pregnant. So we have to get ourselves educated for sure.
I am going to immerse myself in getting my immune system amped up. I'm going to talk to my doctor and do my research. I have been preaching for the last year that I am going to lower my stress, quit taking on so much, space out my work so I don't over do it. Decreasing stress decreases outbreaks.  I need a happy healthy functioning immune system. I have been "talking" for months about just consulting from here on out with Lula.To volunteer less help. But we all know I have struggled with that and haven't gained much ground. I am likely going to be making major changes this January concerning how I run my business. Its time to stop "talking" about making the change and DO IT!
Sometimes we have these great ambitions, these strong desires only to come up short with disappointment. I'm disappointed for sure that I can't live how I want when I want, but I have a strong foundation of family and friends to fall back on who will keep me well advised. We'll get through it and if a baby is in our future then I know God is watching over us and I have complete faith in His plan.