Victory and Privacy

My husband and I have been at odds lately over my content. My recent blog when I asked my husband his first thoughts he said, "It's good but not your best". I sensed a little frustration and after he preceded to break down two beds and swap their rooms I discovered why. I know I'm hard to live with, I fully expect that so urge him to express himself but this....let's just say I wasn't prepared. But I thought about it, I was gonna figure it out on my own.

Having been a blogger for the past 4 years with http://www.onlineorganizing.com/ I had always focused every piece on organization. As a new "stay -at- home/work-from-home" mompreneur I was sharing what I was learning. I shared all my time savings tricks and tips from my kickin it old school 50's housewife mother Betty. And a few tried and true practices by Grandmother Lula herself. Not only did I want to be a great advice giver of efficiency I also desired to balance burning my candles at both ends. Why could'nt I do it all!?!

In June of this year, for the very first time, I shared personal pieces over the breast biopsy they had attempted two times and the surgery that followed. That was a life changing experience for me. My husband was fine about the full disclosure and felt it therapeutic for me to do so. We have moved to a small town and my writing has become very mainstreet. How much do we share about our own lives. As it turned out I decided to share everything about that experience because I felt if it had been cancer I would want to document this all for some future reference. Okay, no cancer, praise Jesus,  life goes on to normal. But I put a lot of stuff out there...and it felt freeing and warm. I released it. Like pieces of paper burned and tossed in the sea. Think there was a movie I watched in International Film Study at AUM that had that very scene. Marlon Brando and something about Tea.
Anyway, writing my thoughts allowed me to quickly process, decide a plan of action about how I'm going to deal with that feeling and then poof! Let it go.
So now we've moved on to talking about wanting a new baby. Now my husband isn't sure he wants me to put that out there. I must love and respect his wishes and I understand there should be some sense of privacy. My first reaction says okay no more baby talk "on-air" until there is one. But now I've been diagnosed with MRSA staph and well that's gonna change some things in my life, like... I'm thinking of going vegan. This blog is about making sense of my life and my business (aren't they really the same thing?).
I have to mention I'm also sensitive because I watched Zenyatta lose a 19 time winning streak and get beat by a nostril and a boy in the Breeder's Cup. No matter what she still goes down as the fastest filly of all time! Lots of expectations to perform placed on that horse. Never in history had their been a crowd of over 100,000 cheering fans and flashbulbs. Doesn't make her any less of a winner that she lost, she has talent.
So, while riding this big palomino today that has a kind heart and an old soul...we walked, and I thought, and here's what I got....

                     I'm gonna talk about wanting a baby; because I want one

                     I'm gonna talk about living with MRSA; because I live with MRSA

I'm gonna talk about being more organized; because I want to be

I'm gonna share my life; so I can testify to the glory of God

But I will only speak VICTORY over any of it!!!!

Actually, I can't take the credit for that last one...that was my husband's request after speaking to him about it. He hasn't minded the open window to our life just praise it and speak triumph over whatever the case may be. And I intend to honor it!!



Don't forget to Fall Back!

As we wake this morning to sunshine instead of darkness I feel anticipation like never before. I have been absent a little lately from writing because I have not had a direction that felt right. I have written a few blogs, some were a little angry because I was at the time, some too personal, some made no sense at all. So I have tossed the last three and am turning the page. One thing about living in a small town, you run into your blog readers at Wal-mart or carpool quite often.You know the people in your community. You go to church with them.  It has been a little difficult lately to write freely. To see so many contradictions in my surroundings, to witness behaviors that I would love to talk about in my blog but would reveal some one's story if I did. This blog is published in several different places weekly. Being able to talk to anonymous folks in the blogosphere is therapeutic but quite another story to put your business or your friend's on main street in Smallville, USA. I miss my anonymity.
 I say all that to encourage myself to publish this blog which is going to be extremely personal to me. To take the risk and put my life out there as testimony.

I live with staph,  I contracted it from a clients home many years ago and have battled it ever since. I wrote a 2 page blog a few weeks ago with the intention of getting that off my chest then. I manage my outbreaks, I try and take all the proper precautions to lower my exposure. I hate having it and would really just love to hold up in my house until it's gone but can't do that. After the surgery in June I had several infections and it took over a month to get past. Then after starting work back around the barn I had one come up on my thigh the end of August. It has left a scar. When an active infection hits I take care of it properly and get back on meds but they can sometimes make you feel weak and you tend to end up in the bed anyway. My energy gets zapped and I get all achy. Kinda like having the flu. Then there is the pain of the infection itself. Not to mention how it makes me feel around other people. I worry about how they will treat me, after all it's gross to me too.
This past Friday I had a small cyst I had developed a few years ago removed from my scalp and as precaution we decided on a round of antibiotics to keep me going strong. In this discussion of what to prescribe this time I found out the last culture from the wound on my thigh had come back MRSA. Hmmmm...first time I've ever been told that...always thought it was regular staph. Maybe it had been until just recently.
We want a baby, soon....MRSA always says "deadly" when you google it...and words like infant abnormalities...cesarean...all these words are popping up when I search "MRSA in pregnancy". But then other articles talk about all the advances in the medicines to treat it while pregnant. So we have to get ourselves educated for sure.
I am going to immerse myself in getting my immune system amped up. I'm going to talk to my doctor and do my research. I have been preaching for the last year that I am going to lower my stress, quit taking on so much, space out my work so I don't over do it. Decreasing stress decreases outbreaks.  I need a happy healthy functioning immune system. I have been "talking" for months about just consulting from here on out with Lula.To volunteer less help. But we all know I have struggled with that and haven't gained much ground. I am likely going to be making major changes this January concerning how I run my business. Its time to stop "talking" about making the change and DO IT!
Sometimes we have these great ambitions, these strong desires only to come up short with disappointment. I'm disappointed for sure that I can't live how I want when I want, but I have a strong foundation of family and friends to fall back on who will keep me well advised. We'll get through it and if a baby is in our future then I know God is watching over us and I have complete faith in His plan.

It takes Patience!

We are just coming off a 4 day camping trip to a bluegrass festival communing with thousands of strangers. Our first vacation without children in 5 years, we were cut off from communicating via laptop or cell phone due to lack of service. So off we went to have fun and create new bonds with new friends. It is rare to find a couple you get along with much less two other people that you could stand for 4 days of primitive camping with 5000 other folks, 7 1/2 hours away. It was a first for us but worthwhile for sure.
While sitting at the tent after sending our younger whipper-snapper friends out for the evening (because I can't stay out past midnite anymore or I turn into a pumpkin) we could sit back and talk. My husband took this opportunity to express some concerns. We want to have a new baby but I am unable to say no to anything that crosses my path. He fears the stress it will put on me if I stay at the pace I've been traveling at for the past few years. I  think we both know it is because I fear I will miss an opportunity. To do what I never know, but I've always been this way and that's that. Everyone that knows me well gets frustrated by this disability I have of not being able to say no. I keep saying I’m gonna stop doing it, but it doesn’t happen. I have been saying that for years and have not had a period of time where I said ok phone hasn’t rung in a month. Lets shut it down, I‘m gonna go be that housewife now! I want to be, but somehow JUST being that housewife makes me fear being ordinary. I know I am not alone in this sentiment as I do not want to offend those homemakers that do it with finesse. I truly inside WANT to be just a housewife! But then this inability to stop and smell the roses keeps me from it. I know my attention span is short but some weeks it is truly sad.  I just haven’t been successful in finding that perfect balance since I've been working from home for over 5 years.
I always try and keep the mentality that if I do a little bit of everything all at once I can maintain more over time. But I fail to realize so much of my day is already promised to other things. Just because there is a space on the day planner it doesn’t mean I’m free. It means that I very likely have laundry, dishes, cleaning the toilets, putting up the clean laundry, washing the dog, mailing bills, doing Lula paperwork, doing EASI paperwork, blog, radio stuff, class stuff….blah blah blah blah blah blah…2 days post vacation I am just as freaked out as ever over what has to happen in 48 hours. WHAT is seriously wrong with me!???? And I think I want to have a baby in the next 12-18 months??? Im NUTS obviously. It is like I have to have someone tell me just STOP! I asked my husband, after listing all the things I had gotten myself into in 24 hours, if that was “an extreme amount of stuff to keep up with in one day.”
His answer never fails…”Ya Think?”
Am I ever gonna be able to practice what I preach about slowing down?
Am I ever gonna be able to prioritize and balance my own life?
What do I even want?
Dr. Brene Brown states in one her speeches that we suffer from this busy extreme disorder to avoid being vulnerable. I totally agree. I think that when we create a perfect bubble of what all we can do and how much we can handle we are really trying to surround ourselves with this force field that nothing bad will happen to us. It never works out though. We all know those bubbles eventually burst and we have to deal with the pain and suffering. But as she suggests, if we have these reservoirs of “Joy” built up in our system we can bounce back that much easier from strife.
Joel Osteen is at this very moment telling me to talk to my mountains. Hmmm…I’ve prayed for God to help me figure it out but I’ve never actually talked TO those things that cause me anxiety. I think I fail to say no because I don’t want people to be disappointed in me. And when I have said no, usually it comes with some criticism or guilt from the person I say no to.
As I sit reflecting on my day of therapy lessons, grooming, packing lunches, dealing with a constipated child at the doctor who is going to need a flushing this weekend to clear him out, writing content for tomorrow’s class and Thursday’s blog I hit on one thing….
After working with this one horse at the therapy farm I have wanted to throw in the towel a few times after weeks of ground work because sometimes I step wrong and send him mixed signals from what his previous training was. I feel like there is this huge communication barrier sometimes with him and then I remember what I’ve been taught…it takes patience. I begin thinking …ya know, today was the first day that he didn’t flinch at me when I entered his stall. He didn’t mind me grooming him, he didn’t mind me being in his personal space. He seemed to lean toward me more and be more attentive to where I was going. A second one while laying down rested his head on my lap and breathed in my skin like we were good friends. I am starting to see that I am being accepted in the herd. I am trusted. It feels nice to see patience paying off.
As it is with everything else, there is no such thing as instant results. Like the patience I have to have with that horse I should have the same amount with myself. I know my inner nature and my previous training and it will take some time for me to stop flinching. I am going to keep shucking the dead weight even if it is just one thing at a time. I am focusing so much on taking it one day at a time that I forget it will all happen...eventually. It won't stay like this forever.  I can do this! I see clearer and clearer everyday what is important to me and where my passion and talents lie. Being able to focus on these things, being grateful for what I have and practicing patience I pray leads me to learning to say no to the things that do not bring me complete joy. Leaving me with only what I love and desire remaining in my basket.
De-cluttering your spirit is much like de-cluttering your home…it takes patience, it takes determination and it takes lots and lots of maintenance!

Can your commitment be renewed in one weekend?

Aaggggghh!!!! Monday morning! I sit in bed this morning contemplating the 5-6 pages I have started writing lists on in a small notebook beside my laptop. I keep thinking about what I witnessed this weekend and then flip flop to what I have ahead of me to accomplish before I leave for Arkansas Wednesday. I have to get some of this out of my head and onto the page. I feel a little anxious at the knew knowledge I have now. I am in fresh from our community’s Fall RefresHER Christian Women’s conference where I spent Friday evening and Saturday morning with nearly 75 women to grow and practice being present together in Christ.
Having a small performance with my bestie at the beginning of the conference I wasn’t really able to place too much expectation on the event as I was mainly focused on not throwing up a little since I was gonna be on stage…performing a Christian rap no doubt! We rocked it with a little adjustment here and there! I kinda knew we could do it but then anything can happen. I could have tripped on a mic cord, busting a tooth on the stage or something else just as embarrassing. I enjoy getting to do the things that were fun in high school and college like organizing events but “acting” was NEVER one of my talents.
After that was done…I was able to settle down and begin paying attention. God was there all weekend, working his hand in all that we did. It was really quite amazing. Most of you ( if you read me weekly which you SHOULD!) know that my husband and I changed our lives 5 years ago when we dedicated ourselves to Jesus and picked up our orders for purposeful living. I was amazed at the amount of peace in my heart. Most of the testimonies and speeches I heard gave validation to what I knew all along about how we should look at our opportunities. We really should see them as opportunities to delight the Lord. Just as I think I have also almost mastered trying to do that, I realize it is surely time to move on into something new. I know He is ready for me to grow and just like watching Jennifer Hudson’s “Behind the Music” I feel truly renewed and ready to embrace whatever the change!
On a side note -
Did you know that it was a natural disaster that took all the phone lines out in her hometown that prevented her peeps from calling in to Idol and voting for her another week? Did you know that she was the one who had to identify her 7 year old nephew’s body? And that her first performance back following that horrible ordeal was to sing the compelling song
“You Pulled Me Through” at the Grammys? A song she wrote BEFORE the tragic death of her brother, mother and nephew.

“You gave my faith back, faith was so hard to find
You gave me my life back, you were my lifeline
The love that you gave me is love that has saved me
Your strength is what made me strong
You held me and I held on”

“I held on“…wow!! I mean God’s grace is truly amazing! Look at her today. I sat this weekend, as the equally fabulous to Jennifer Hudson, Miss Kim Dunn led praise and worship for us. She spoke words from her heart that could only have come as a result of God’s finger dabbling in what was to be an extraordinary two days for us. I think all were moved, I know we all became closer and all felt refreshed in the spirit!
More than ever, I leave with the full intent to stop fighting those things that I realize now are just my natural tendencies, embrace those things that are really talents, stop trying to fit into other’s expectations of me and to truly find JOY in all that I do. As always I am committed to enjoying my now.
So where’s my right now?? Acccck!!! If I really think about it I will freak: a 20 person field trip; a radio show; a new class to begin teaching; another new class to begin teaching. In TWO days! We leave Wednesday evening to go enjoy 3 days of camping, good music, and better fellowship. I will return surely revived and ready to settle down and get back to work.
My mother asked me on the phone just last night…”okay now (most authoritative voice she has), when you get back??” Open ended to surely prompt my own reply first…I said “ I know, I am”. I understand, I have been scolded lately by husband and mother for the over committing that has been happening lately. I agree!

Recommended Reading

Join the Perfect Protest!

Visit http://www.brenebrown.com/ or http://www.ordinarycourage.com/ to join the perfection protest!!!

Here is mine!

Where is the Instruction Manual?

Through out my years as an organizer and business owner I have had many women approach me for advice. When I lived in Montgomery I was fortunate enough to have an intern twice a year through the Interior Decorating program at Auburn University of Montgomery where I still teach. Interns had to spend approximately 20 hours with me. You get to know someone pretty quick.
I was always amazed at how many questions they had and how they were hoping someone would tell them the secret to success. I had those questions too. I’ve learned only through trial and error that there is no secret to success.
You have to first discover your talents. If you are unaware of your gift from God you have no idea how to interpret your purpose, right? It takes a lot of self awareness. Often times there is no other way to gain self awareness except through some major life crisis.
After some soul searching to decipher the hidden meaning in any life changing event we are stronger, hopefully able to trust ourselves more and ask the questions necessary to encourage us to take the right fork in the road.
But we must be flexible. Plans can change, quickly! I’ve always been proud of my ability to zag when others are still zigging…I am a fast learner and am always aware of my damage factor. For months I have been trying to redefine myself in this new town. Montgomery had a population of over 202,000, our new town…under 15,000. Oh yea, it’s different!
My stand still is that I have been driven for several years now. Once we moved I still found myself traveling the 2 hours to Montgomery for clients even in this second year. In this new place, the emergency brake has been pulled several times now.
My husband and I were talking last night, as we have been many nights lately, about this 3rd baby thing. Which has lead us to talk about our current baby. Lula has had so many growing pains. I cannot bitch about my achievements or disappointments, I am thankful for each one. That is why this blog is called Lula’s Grace…if it were not for Lulagrace (www.Lulagrace.com) I’m not sure if I would be who I am today. But if Lulagrace were to cease to be, who would I be then? Lately I have had some definite time wasters and it just completely drags you down when it isn‘t just your business it‘s your baby. I only have my time for sale. I don’t have a product that I can re-coop the costs. I love to offer free advice but since our move to a smaller town it seems a difficult situation to be in. Money ruins many relationships but I have to contribute to my family, and my time is my product. My knowledge and experience is my service.
As a business owner, of anything, you must always be ready to reinvent yourself. You must stay ahead of the trend and stay current in your education. I have not been sure if I wanted to quit, take some time off or what? My husband says I flip flop from hour to hour. It’s true!!
After really thinking about it, I have made this decision. Lulagrace is a part of me. But I’m not Lulagrace. I COULD give it up, but I love my profession and would go organize for 4 days if someone called today and needed it done, even if they were 4 hours away!

Since her creation I have never known how to exactly clock out at the end of the day. My husband has been incredibly understanding to allow me to dedicate so much of my time to this 24 hour commitment. But it is time for me to draw the line between my personal and my professional life. I need balance restored between the two.
As of Oct. 4^th I will no longer answer calls after 5pm, I will no longer return Lula emails after 5pm. I will also book out my jobs so I am only on one at a time. My business hours are 8-5 just like everyone else. I am going to start enforcing my rates and if you want free advice, you can attend the introductory free class I am teaching at FUMC beginning October 13^th.
I love you all, but ask that you respect what I do. Yes, it is a talent and ideas pouring from my mouth are part of what makes me fun to be around, but it is also my J-O-B. The ability to organize a project and “Git er Done” attitude make me a plus to any function for sure. But it is wearing me out! And it puts no money in my pocket. Not to mention incredibly unfair to my paying clients. So, sorry to rant this morning. This is why I have been uncomfortable and ill at ease for over a month. For the past week I have been up at 5am each morning with this first on my mind.
While there is no instruction manual for discovering your own passion there isn’t one for running a business either. You learn as you go. I appreciate all my clients and I love to help out when I can. I am learning to say “No, thank you!”. Please don’t be offended or take it personal when I do.